There's no doubt in my mind that cancer kids deserve full attention ...especially in this month of Childhood Cancer Awareness (please continue to hold Gabby in your thoughts...she needs them desperately).
But. I feel like I need/want to share my thoughts on 9/11.
I can remember my location/thoughts on that morning much like many. I was on my way into work that day. It was a bright, beautiful day. I was married, but without children, so I was on the "late shift" then. I was getting in JUST as the first reports of the first plane hitting were coming in. I remember pulling into the parking lot at work and hearing the report on the radio "... a plane has hit one of the World Trade Center buildings..." There was little detail other than that. I remember thinking..."oh, a private pilot miscalculated and hit a building..." I was very literally thinking it was a tiny 2-5 passenger plane that had hit a "building" (imagining a 2-3 story building). I was clueless as to what the "World Trade Center" was. I'd never been to New York. Still haven't been there. :(
I didn't realize the magnitude. of. it. ALL.
I went into work...carried on as normal for a bit. There was a LOT of buzz, so I followed on the internet a bit. I went down to our cafeteria area where there were TVs available. I watched for a bit as the first tower smoldered. But, I still didn't really get it. I mean, I knew it was more serious than my initial impressions. I knew there was a lot of danger. I knew there were casualties. But...I still didn't get it. I returned to my desk for awhile and sort of learned of another plane. For some reason, I'm not sure I believed there was a second. I think I assumed it was a misinterpretation and that the news had gotten it wrong. A friend joined me in our cafeteria for "break" and we sat at a table to watch for awhile. I remember it starting to sink in. I remember feeling very overwhelmed...but trying to not show it. Then, I remember as we sat there watching...the first tower fell. It. was. un. real. I mean, it was really unreal. I remember looking at Bonnie and saying, "Wait, what happened??" Then, what seemed like only seconds later...the second tower fell. And, so did my heart.
After that, my memories are blurry until a few days later when there was a "special" on that I watched in full. I do not remember what channel, what reporters, what the specifics of the program were. What I do remember is an interview with someone from the lobby of one of the towers who said, "I heard thuds. Those thuds were bodies." (Those are paraphrases...but that's the jist of his thoughts.) I bawled through the entire program. I could not comprehend the loss, the devastation the families felt. The horror the people IN the tragedy felt. I was heartbroken.
I was also ANGRY. So, SO mad. I have always been a questioner of religion. When I learned that the root of this attack was religion, I was ... I'm not sure there's a good word to explain. Religion is such a personal concept. It's so interpretive. I know that many people take it very, very seriously...but I never imagined there would be a group of people who thought that killing THOUSANDS of people would somehow honor/protect their holy beliefs/land like this. I can understand feeling protective and passionate about our core beliefs...but this is/was ridiculous. So, so senseless.
Three years later, I visited Ireland and was aware of how "stupid" foreigners view Americans. Frankly, we are. Don't misunderstand, I still am angry about the senselessness of 9/11 and feel as though that day and it's tragedies are horrific. But, I see how Americans are viewed in other countries. And, we deserve some of the criticisms. We are seen as indulgent, uneducated, lazy, arrogant. And...to a certain extent, there are truths to those views. I also know we are misinterpreted to a large degree.
My grandparents were living in Bejing at the time of the attacks. We were obviously in contact with them, but it was very different then. There wasn't Skype...there wasn't "instant" conversation with them. And, they saw very different coverage of the events. I didn't talk to them personally, but I remember conversations with my aunt (who had personal conversations with them both) during this time. When there were estimates of 50,000 possible casualties (in the hours/days after when they weren't sure how many people were in the towers at that time of day)...my grandparents were getting the impressions from the news coverage available to them that the event was MUCH MUCH less significant. I wonder what other countries aired??
My grandfather has passed since then...but my grandmother is still with us (:D) ... I will be asking her what her thoughts are now. She'll see much more of the footage now during remembrance programs than she had access to then...
In summary, I wish 9/11 would have taught us all about tolerance. That we can all have very different beliefs, but still live in peace. Looking at the state of our country today, that's not the case, for sure. So, its certainly not the case when it comes to "us" vs "other countries". I wish I knew how to get some people past their "my way or NO way" thoughts. NOTHING in life works that way. NOT.ONE.SINGLE.THING. There must be compromise on EVERY ISSUE.EVERY TIME.
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