Stay at home dads...from this working mom's point of view...

Let's set the stage... 1) I work full time.  2)  My husband is a stay at home dad for all but Monday mornings.  We have two kids - an almost 7 year old boy and a 5 year old girl.

This arrangement is such out of necessity.  If tables were turned and stars aligned, I would LOVE to have been a stay at home mom.  Let me be clear about this...I say that knowing full well that it is a HARD job.  Knowing that there are really gruesome days.  Knowing that I would be working a lot for little thanks.

However, just because the stay at home job is hard, doesn't negate the fact that the work outside the home job ISN'T.  And, vice versa.  They're both hard in their own rights.

***I need to take an aside for a second here.  My husband is a neat freak...to the nth degree, people.  So, he really does bear the brunt of the cleaning chores around the house.  He does cleaning and laundry.  He also takes care of the outside stuff - like lawn mowing, snow removal, and car stuff.  He does minimal cooking, but I'm not complaining about that because the kids have food and that's all that really matters.  He bathes the kids (in addition to playing with them and all that jazz).  NOW, I TELL him that I appreciate these things.  I TELL him that I am thankful.  And, I AM. I also tell him that I recognize that he does "more" around here than I do.  Even though I don't do AS MUCH as he does, it would sure be nice to get a tad bit of recognition for the things I do do.  Just sayin'.  It's not as though I do NUTHIN' around here.  Hrmph.  Ok, moving on...***

I've heard on more than one occasion about how I am so "lucky" because I "get" to go to work.    'Scuse?!  (I was also told once that I "get alone time during my ride to/from work".  That's a whole different topic really, but MAN that one nearly sent me over the edge.)  Because I work, I also "get" to miss an awful lot of never-to-be-seen-again moments of my kid's childhoods.  And, my husband "gets" to see them.  Here's where I think there's some Venus vs Mars stuff that goes on.  My husband is about as sentimental as an acorn.  He doesn't see much value in photographs or special moments or first words or the like. And, that's ok...for him.  Me?  I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum...I want to savor every moment.  I couldn't throw away a picture if my life depended on it.  Seriously.

The other part of me being at work that's hard is that, well, I'm the mom.  See, I'm the type of mom that really needs to be involved ... I NEED to be able to take my kids to their doctor appointments.  I NEED to be able to drop off/pick up at school sometimes.  I NEED to be able to make them dinner a few nights a week.  I NEED to be able to help with homework.  I know that most dads are wired different.  When the mom stays at home and dad works, most men are comfortable (and maybe even prefer) to leave all of the house/kid "stuff" up to the mom.  It doesn't work that way for me...so, I work full time at work AND I want to take care of at least some of the house/kid "stuff" too!  I think that's the key to what makes the "working mom/stay at home dad" situation so difficult.   (Forgive me...I know that not ALL working dads fit this mold...and not all working moms feel the same as I do.)

This has all been weighing heavily on me since I had to make some hard decisions at work recently.  I feel at peace with my decisions, but I've been pondering how they may have been different if I weren't "mom"...

Do other working moms paired with stay at home dads feel the same?  (I really do think the dynamics are far different if both parents work outside the home...just as much as they're different if the mom is the stay-at-home.)